008. Writing about how I write when I wanna write since I like to write

In my Tyler the Creator voice

Hey friends

This is being started on the first Monday in May, aka Met Gala Monday, and I’m drinking my coffee out of my Met mug to honor the occasion. Since I'm currently not on Instagram (God, for how long??!), I can't do my usual write up of each outfit, so I thought I would satisfy the writing itch by starting today's post. 

On a walk with my friends recently, we got on the topic of Sex and the City, and I was surprisingly dubbed a Carrie. This was both shocking and funny to me because while I can see it, I also can't see it due to a few big bad choices she made. Nonetheless, she was a fabulous writer, and while I don't know if that kind of career is actually real, I still relate to her on multiple levels; fabulous (check), writer (check), has an audience (check), and find myself a little indulgent and frivolous at times (double check). God, I literally am a Carrie, haha. However, for the sake of today's letter, I think relating to a cultural writer isn't the worst thing ever.

I have a lot of ideas and stories floating around in my mind. Some for the life I want to live, some for the stories I want to tell, and some regarding the life I live right now. Thankfully, nothing crosses lines, but I'm always thinking of something, unless I know something needs my attention. As I've grown older and reflected on my life, I realized I've been like this forever, and just find myself playing with it now. And goodness, has it been interesting. As I've mentioned in the first letter, I want to be a writer, and while that hasn't changed within the last 14 weeks, I am realizing it is harder than I thought. 

When I write here, I like for the pieces to be very conversational, as if they are coming from your friend. I think of things, share them, and then we chat about it eventually. For my journal, I am writing more so as a timestamp of a current period of my life. It is personal and more for me and God. Both bring me a lot of joy, but I am aware that writing for NMAM can sometimes be hard for me because I am still becoming who I want to be and trying to share her writing on the web as I work to become her.

For NMAM, there's a ton of plotting and planning that goes on for this. I won’t drone on about the challenge, but my ideas aren't always flowing and then I find myself not writing. On the flip side, my journal regularly sees a lot of action, which leads me to wonder, what motivates me to write? 

Late last week, in the midst of my nighttime routine, an answer came to me. I write because life is loud and ‘talking it’ out (read:writing) provides a good form of nonverbal therapy. There’s a lot of reflections and revelations received as I slow my mind to get thoughts into words on paper. It's a real raw and cathartic experience. Now where I choose to write will determine the underlying feeling of that experience; writing for here is in a pink journal with ideas, plans, and dreams that connect with who I pray I am growing into, whereas writing in my personal journal is more emotionally charged, with ponderings, hopes, whys, and God’s specials moments with me. I need both to express share myself - I'm not one who wants to ignore the full story I feel led to tell. 

The central idea I wanted to chat about was why I write, but I now want to ask if you write? Why, or why not? I also want to implore you to find a medium of release that feels both personal and natural to you. True story - I wrote the above paragraph in less than 5 minutes because once the truth came to me, I was able to just go with it. The release was very natural and the answer was the honest thing I wasn't even expecting to receive. I 10/10 always recommend getting a journal and just going for it, but no pressure. We can always spitball ideas if you need help for your own medium :) 

“I write to discover what I know.”

Flannery O'Connor

A Few Things I Likes

My Church Fit 

Two weeks ago, I got an unexpected fit off and I really felt pretty. I am doing you all a disservice, because I did not take any photos, but know it was a mix of girly and edgy. I mixed a pretty short velvet wrap dress with my leather docs and it was such a vibe. As a girly girl, anytime I wear a dress I feel pretty, but there's something super nice about mixing that girliness with some tough accessories (think leather, metals, rips, etc.) that’s just so fun for me. 

Notice Where You Come Alive

This was a lovely, short newsletter post that I really enjoyed. I love anything that pushes people away from the stream and into the things that are for them. The world is looking too similar when I KNOW we should not. Take a minute and read it for yourself and think about what it is that makes you feel alive. 

The Golf Course

I just came off of a fast and on the last day, we passed by the golf course my daddy (and I, at times and very casually) used to play at. They have updated the clubhouse with paint and the range was manicured to look really well despite all the time that has passed. Strangely, I found myself shooting a prayer to God , just thanking Him about the time in my life and praying over the course. I'll literally pray about anything. Well, while waiting on my mom a moment later, i had to extend that prayer to a little journal moment because i was so touched. The golf course was such a small thing, but it pushed me to think of more things that I could give God praise for.

Love You All, 

Syd