My dad did the thing…unintentionally. During a phone call where I challenged him to remember my age, he made a statement that sent me into a spiral. Now, in his defense, he doesn’t know how sensitive his youngest spawn can be nor does he know how literal I am. So when my dear old father said “It's time you leave the nest for the life that’s out there for you,” I literally went off the deep end.
What my dad doesn’t know is that I'm fully aware he is coming from a good place and wants me to really experience all life has to offer. I’d suggest he consider that I want the same, but I can see how my current life situation looks a bit of the opposite. As a product of Generation X, to him, I should probably be married with at least one kid by now (he had a wife, two little girls, and was one year into homeownership at my age), or moving up some type of career ladder at the very least. But here I sit, currently doing none of that.
What I am doing is working really hard to trust this process I'm enduring at the hands of God. I’ve toggled for a few days about if I’ve put myself somewhere and if I’m placing the blame on God, but I can’t fully agree to that. I did not ask for any disruption to my routine, career, salary, or peace of mind. I did ask for my life to align with my calling, but never in a million years did I think it would come from me being unemployed and laden with some heavy dreams tied to the very thing I prayed for.
I point this season in life back to God because I have experienced so much just by listening to Him. I left my stable job because I listened. I started a newsletter because I listened. I said yes to some fun trips because I listened. I have cried, been spiritually stretched, and renewed after I listened. I have been able to overcome some personal pitfalls because God brought them to the forefront and showed me how they don’t honor Him, and I listened to that for real. At this moment, my faith is being tried and refined because I am still listening for Him to show me where to go and what to do.
This all points to how I’m currently working on trusting the Lord in more ways than just saying it. Being honest with myself, I can see how despite me declaring I trust God, but fear is still present. “Do it scared” is sometimes encouraged, but that scared feeling correlates to fear and I think that ties back to some sense of unbelief. Trust and unbelief can’t coincide, so it's up to me to decide which one I'll walk in. Transparently, I can say that a lot of my obedience up until now has been due to an essence of childlike faith, but as things have felt more real recently (like my dad reminding me I'm getting to the point where I need to fly), I'm seeing myself shake. Yes, I've trusted the Lord to lead me this far, yet I also feel a little uneasy about where this is going because something seems so real.
In His glorious providence, the Lord has let my Bible time be a blessing. The stories I've focused on have hit similar feelings and I’m so thankful I can use them to see and know how faithful He is. It's a blessing to have an actual account of the many ways He’s been trusted then because I can rest in knowing He can be trusted now. Time after time, I read of how God has lead His chosen people to and through some crazy situation only for them to end up right where He wanted them to be, with the the heart and mind He wanted them to carry. That is so comforting because it makes me think of the preparation that’s going into me leaving the nest.
I won’t make this too long, but I will say this: in my trusting, I am growing. Knowing He is a God of order, I can rest in the fact that my struggle with trust and this talk of leaving the nest are probably tied in with my next steps. There is a tiny bit of fear present when I think about that, but God is not intimidated by my meager feelings and can totally help me overcome that for me to be set for what’s next. How funny is it that He would use my earthly father to help me look to my heavenly Father and remember who I have to look to, to get me right?
QTNA: Is trusting God easy for you in all situations?
A Few Things I Liked
Runners Run
I did the thing and ran my first MILE!!! This may not seem like much, but ya girl has been working on this goal since last year and THIS is the year I’ll run not only a mile (check), but a 5k and a 10k. The spring in Texas is already brutal, but I’ve been pushing myself to keep running and I’m so proud that I did a really hard thing. I believe everything is rooted in our will to do it, and although this is just the start, it pushes me to will myself to do more!
Creative Meet-Ups
I had a fun meeting with my friend to flesh out some of my creative ideas and I just have to say im so grateful for the community God has given me. I can be honest and say it’s scary sharing my dreams because theres the possibility someone may not get it or even try to dissuade me from what’s in my heart. I’m quite reserved with what I share, but I laid it all out on the table this day! I was blessed with affirmation, some creative strategies, and even got to speak life into them for what God is doing there. I love how He links us up and knows exactly how we’ll best fit in each other’s lives.
“I sought the Lord, and He heard, and He answered.”
There’s a song called Trust In God and I love it. I recently had a day (after the above moment with my dad) where I felt quite defeated, but God! He is so faithful and true, and remembering the words to this song brought me so much contentment and peace! The line comes from Psalm 34:4, which I love because I also find it so cool when musicians weave scripture into the songs we sing. It’s a beautiful way to teach the words of the Bible in a fun way.
Till Next Time,
Sydney